In a rut – Feeling Fat, Frumpy, and Foolish

I’ve been in a rut. You know, one of those, “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired,” kind of things. Only it’s more like, “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired . . . and fat . . . and frumpy.” Yep, that sums it up better.

Feeling fat frumpy and foolish

Feeling Fat

I guess my, “Oh, no, really?” moment came when I realized that my baby is a whole year old. He’s really much too old to blame for my “fat problem” now.

Yes, I have a “fat problem.” It’s not an “I need to lose a few pounds problem.” It’s not an “overweight problem.” Now, it’s not even a “Leave me alone, I just had a baby, problem.” It’s a “fat problem.”

I now weigh the most I’ve ever weighed in my lifetime – ever – even at 9 months pregnant. So, naturally, it makes sense that I feel fat.

Can a person FEEL fat? Absolutely! I know I do.

feeling fat

I feel angry that I’ve ever let myself get this so far out of shape. I feel sad that I can no longer do the physical activities that I once did. Most of all, I feel confused because being strong & in shape used to be one of the ways I defined myself.

I feel like Ralphie’s little brother on the Christmas Story. You know, the one who can hardly move because his mom dressed him in too many winter clothes. The difference is he can shed that bulky snowsuit and sweater to feel normal again. I can’t just peel off my excess layers of fat to move freely again. I feel trapped.

Combine all the above emotions, throw in a little self-pity and a low self-body image, and this is what I call “feeling fat.”

Feeling Frumpy

I guess it’s not even the “fat problem” that has me in such a rut. It’s the “frumpy problem.”

Let’s face it, I’m a stay-at-home mom. Sometimes I smell like spoiled milk. Sometimes I have the occasional sticky jelly fingerprints on my pants. I don’t always have to leave the house, so why dress up?

That’s what I’ve been asking myself lately. Why dress up?

My problem is not that I don’t dress up. It’s that I don’t get dressed properly, at all. My idea of getting dressed for the day is pulling my hair back into a messy bun, and throwing on a comfortable pair of workout pants or jeans, a t-shirt, and an oversized hoodie.

The oversized hoodie is my futile attempt to cover up all my excess fat. I try not to leave home without it. It’s like my security blanket. The problem is summer is coming & I’ll look pretty stupid wearing a hoodie in 80 degree weather, especially in Montana. We tend to break out the shorts and tank tops when the thermometer reaches 55 degrees.

Every morning I have a battle with my closet. It reminds me of my ever expanding waistline. I tell it to hush. Like my children, it doesn’t always listen to me.

Most of my clothing is too small to wear and the rest I just don’t really like to wear. I could buy new clothing if my wallet was a little bigger, but even then I hate shopping for clothes.

I have spent way  too much time trying on way  too many clothes in way  too many stores just to come home with NOTHING. I suppose if I had a personal stylist it would be fun, but even then I would probably question her sanity.

I used to secretly wish –before the show was canceled – that someone would nominate me for that What Not to Wear  show. I would love the trip to New York City and the money to go shopping, but most of all I would really like someone to teach me how to dress.

feeling frumpy

Of course, there is always the dilemma that I don’t really want to buy new clothes because I have a few dress sizes I would like to lose. I don’t want to buy new clothes and then not fit in them a few months from now. Honestly, that has never happened, so I don’t think it should be an issue. Yet, I still tell myself this every time I go clothing shopping.

I brush my teeth, wash my face, and use deodorant. That’s the extent of my beauty  regimen.

I almost never wear makeup. Even when I do, I try to wear minimal makeup. I call it going for that natural look. At any rate, makeup does cover up my uneven skin tone and adult acne. Plus, even a small amount of mascara and brow liner does wonders for my almost invisible lashes and eyebrows.

I have contacts but almost always wear my glasses. Not that there is anything wrong with glasses, but I think I look much better without them. Personally, if I had to choose my best feature – which I must admit is difficult – I would choose my eyes.

Why then do I hide them behind glasses? Good question. I don’t really know. I guess the 45 seconds it takes to put in my contacts is too much time for this busy mommy? Um, no.

Feeling Foolish

This is where the feeling foolish part comes in. I know I need to lose weight. I know I need to take better care of myself. Why, then, do I continue to be lazy when it comes time to take care of me?

I take care of my children. I take care of my husband. Why don’t I take care of me?

I wish I could answer that question. Whatever excuses I try to come up with just sound silly.

I deserve to feel good about myself. I deserve to spend that extra 20 minutes in the bathroom taking care of me. I deserve to have nice clothes that actually fit me. I deserve to feel good in my own skin.

feelingfoolish

My husband gets frustrated at me because I am always complaining about my weight. He gets angry when I put myself down.

He doesn’t complain when I don’t shave my legs. He has never mentioned all the pounds that have seemed to just creep up on me over the years. He tells me I look good without makeup. He thinks I am beautiful.

That should be good enough for me. And truly, it really is. I guess I just feel guilty that I don’t put in the effort to make myself look good, not just for me, but for him also. He deserves to have the best of me.

The truth is I’m not happy with the way I look, so I figure why try? I’m not my ideal weight. I don’t have flawless skin. I don’t have the facial features to knock your socks off. Not very many people do.

I just need to stop focusing on what’s wrong with my body. Just because I don’t have smooth silky hair doesn’t mean I can’t style it. Just because I don’t like my acne doesn’t mean it isn’t worth wearing makeup. Just because I am not my ideal weight doesn’t mean I can’t find flattering clothes that fit well.

So, I suppose I should pull myself out of my rut, take control of my appearance, and stop fussing over not looking perfect. I don’t need to be the perfect weight, have the perfect skin, have the perfect hair, or have the perfect nose to feel good about myself. 

Feeling fat, frumpy, and foolish is a CHOICE. Like any emotion, I can choose to take control of my thoughts. I don’t need  to feel this way. I can take pride in my appearance and the way I present myself to the world. And that’s what I think I’m going to do.

Watch out world, here I come! I just won’t be coming in a bikini.

Comments

  1. 1

    says

    well done for saying it like it is. It’s authentic, it’s vulnerable, and above all it’s real.
    Humankind needs to drop the race to perfection and favour being real instead.
    We all have our foolish, fatish, frumpy moments. So what. We’re more than that.
    We’ve amazing.

  2. 5

    says

    As I am reading your post, I realize I feel the exact same way as you. I am at my heaviest I’ve ever been. I’ve lost the weight twice during my lifetime, and I’ve always gone back in such short times. I find it almost impossible. I can be on a roll for a week or two, and then one bad day gets me down, and I stop caring, until the cycle repeats.

    • 6

      says

      Well, l hope I can break that cycle soon, but even if I don’t I want to be happy being me, regardless of what the scale says. Best of luck to you. While it’s nice to know that someone can relate, I hope that you can break your cycle too.

  3. 7

    says

    I found a quote image on pinterest a few days ago that said “You are not fat. You have fat. You also have fingernails, but you are not fingernails.” and I thought it was such a beautiful way to point out the flawed thinking that so many of us women have. We take our weight to be so incredibly personal – we make it out to BE us, when it’s really much healthier to separate who we are and what our body is, in some ways. Know what I mean?

  4. 9

    says

    Frumpy No.. Fat sometimes.. more like bloated from all the crap i ate over the last 2 weeks.. And I am always foolish.. never a day goes by.

  5. 11

    says

    I truly identified with your post. I have a lot of fat, frumpy and foolish days myself. It’s difficult to keep up with ourselves when we are busy taking care of everyone else. It’s important that we take the time to take care of ourselves though. That way we feel better about ourselves even if we aren’t at our “ideal”.
    Michelle Christopher recently posted…Practicing Self Awareness – Part TwoMy Profile

  6. 13

    says

    Frumpy is a new word for me. Thanks for introducing it. Yeah, I feel fat most of the time even when people around me are already saying that I’m so skinny.

  7. 15

    says

    Been there done that..doing that. I totally understand it all. Working from home full time plus homeschooling I have fallen into the yoga pant & tshirt rut that leaves me feeling even fatter and frumpier than I am. I too weigh more now than I ever have in my life and it’s such a struggle to devote time to ME to make that change. (((HUGS))) You are a beautiful soul inside and out!
    Katie recently posted…Weight Watchers Crock Pot Chicken VerdeMy Profile

  8. 17

    says

    I think women as a group have those ‘Fat, Frumpy, Hate-the-way-I-look’ days. I have had several myself and more to come I’m sure. I like to shake those feelings off by remembering that I am awesomely made by God ~ and, as my mom always says, “God doesn’t make junk!”

    `
    Kay M. recently posted…Oh How I Love Being A #PapaMurphysMom!My Profile

  9. 21

    says

    I totally hear you! And, it seems as though being a blogger does not help the matter. It gets so easy to throw on the sweats and be comfy as I work. While I’m at it, no need to “do” my hair or wear makeup. Then, to top it off, I get so engrossed with my bloggy duties that before I know it, I’ve ran out of time… I need to change, too! You are not alone :)
    Dawn @ Pin-n-Tell recently posted…Pin-vestigated: Ripening BananasMy Profile

    • 22

      says

      Blogging takes a lot more time and commitment than I thought it would. Plus, working at home is an awesome excuse to not get dressed in the morning. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who gets caught up on my computer all day.

  10. 25

    says

    I have been in that feeling fat and frumpy rut for the past six years (thats how old my youngest is). I just didn’t care, I knew what I needed to do, eat and etc to feel better and look better but I didn’t care.

    Learning to care about myself beyond being a wife and mother helped so much. I had to remember that there is still an individual person who has thoughts outside of wifedom and motherhood. Who knew right!?!

    I can personally attest to the fact that dolling up, even if no one but the baby sees you makes you feel like a million bucks. IF you have the money to spare and the time get your nails or hair done. Even just a wash and style or a new coat of finger nail polish can make you feel less frumpy.
    Felicia recently posted…My Anti-Bucket ListMy Profile

  11. 33

    says

    Women must have their fat and frumpy days. I’m not a mom, but I get these days too … usually it’s during a certain time of the month. It’s a girl thing right? Working out usually helps and having any of my happy food. Might work with you, too :)

    • 36

      says

      Staying at home is hard sometimes, especially when finances are tight. I’m sure your boys will appreciate all the contributions you are making as a mother!

  12. 37

    says

    I also gained weight when I resign from my regular office job and decided to just work from home and become a freelancer. I am still singe and sometimes it’s frustrating when people asks me if I’m already married and worst if I am pregnant. I still do some exercise and lessen some of my food intake but I already accepted my body as it is. Even if we gained or loose some weight, we should always feel good about our body because happiness is a state of mind and a decision. I choose to be happy.
    sherlane recently posted…Digital Lead Generation Webinar: 6 Tips on Business Model CreationMy Profile

  13. 39

    says

    I find that it’s all about enjoying your life from where you are. And if you’re wanting a new wardrobe without committing to a lot of clothes in the ‘wrong’ size, try a borrowing service like Gwynnie Bee or LeTote. You can stay stylish without being wasteful.
    Patranila recently posted…Best in Beauty 2014: Jones MagazineMy Profile

  14. 45

    says

    If you’re feeling fat frumpy and foolish unattractive and not comfortable in your own skin, then how do you think your husband feels about this!?
    it’s not that you’ve gained some weight, it’s that you’ve given up and don’t think it is important to take care of yourself and look good for him anymore!
    you may chose to ignore that voice of logic in your head, but it will not solve your problem,
    “women letting themselves go after marriage” is the number one complaint of all men!
    happiness is a state of mind, yes, but this is not just about you!, think how this is also affecting your man and your relationship!
    that was just in case you guys wanted a guy’s opinion on this!
    Best wishes!
    Mitch recently posted…Free CV Builder, Free Resume Builder, cv templatesMy Profile

    • 46

      says

      Part of me agrees with you completely and the other part of me wishes you were here so I could YELL at you. I guess that’s what makes us women complicated!

      First of all, like I said, I agree that I have “let myself go.” For this fact, I am ashamed, embarrassed, and saddened. You’re right, my husband does deserve better. He does deserve the best of me, and to be frank, when it comes to my personal appearance, I could do much better.

      But, let’s get real. My husband does not look the same way he did 14 years ago when we first started dating either. He has a lot more gray hair, wrinkles around his eyes, a larger waistline, and fewer muscles. Yet, I have never been more attracted to him. Amazingly enough, I think he feels the same way about me. Our marriage is intact. Like any marriage, we have our ups and downs, but I’m confident in our relationship. Even if I have let myself go, my man is happy.

      I did not say that I should not work on my appearance. In fact, I am trying to get out of my rut. I think one of the reasons I have not taken care of myself properly is because I am frustrated by my weight gain, but I have started dieting and exercising. I want to be fit and healthy, but not because I need to look good for my husband or kids or even strangers. I want to be fit and healthy because I DESERVE to be fit and healthy. Just because I’m not at my ideal weight does not mean that I should not feel good about and take pride in the way I present myself to the world.

      By the way, I do believe that you can create your own happiness by changing your attitude. I want to have confidence in myself at any weight. I’m sure my husband would rather have a confident, happy wife more than he would want a skinny, well-polished one. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t deserve me.

      Well, enough of my rant.

    • 56

      says

      I guess having my son turn a year old sparked something in me, but pregnancy and then chasing after a baby does take a toll on us. We shouldn’t expect to snap back to normal so quickly.

  15. 59

    says

    Very well said. I am beautiful no matter what. Be strong and be you. If you want to lose weight, do it, but do it because you want to for your health- not because you are trying to achieve a certain look. You are beautiful, you are a mother!
    April recently posted…Wordless Wednesday- Letter VMy Profile

    • 62

      says

      Thanks for sharing! When I first sat down to write this post I did not realize how much negativity I had towards my body image and it scared me. I realized that it was all my perspective and I wanted to have a positive outlook. I can choose to feel good about myself, and that starts by taking care of myself.

  16. 67

    Danette Horsley says

    You are beautiful, now I realize I may be a bit biased being I am your mother. You take good care of your family, have a caring heart, and are always doing for others. You make yourself sound like like an ugly girl. Stop and be proud of yourself. I am proud of you!

    • 72

      says

      Honestly, I love jogging. I really need to find the time to get back into it. My husband is also a runner and he lost a ton of weight last year jogging. I love that feeling after a good hard run. Unfortunately, it’s getting off my butt and out the door that is the hard part, but I’m working on it.
      Michelle Knopp recently posted…In a rut – Feeling Fat, Frumpy, and FoolishMy Profile

  17. 73

    says

    I can totally relate to this post. I was at home for 6 months doing the “stay at home” thing while looking for work. It was fun the first few weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I love sleeping in! The issue now is that I gained so much weight. I blame it all on the winter blues, but to be honest I got really lazy! Now I’m back to work and eating better, walking around and although it is tiring, I feel so much better. I’m no expert but maybe trying to get out of the house even if you don’t have to would help. Hope you can find a way to get out of this mood.
    Marielle Altenor recently posted…Easy Cheese Ball Recipe With The Little ManMy Profile

  18. 75

    says

    Round of applause & a great big hug. It’s hard trying to change your mindset that You Time is just as important as all the other rolls you fill. Have you thought about Me Dates? Where once a week you take yourself out. Get dressed up (as much as you can) & take yourself to the movies, out for a coffee, read a book in the library etc). 1 -2 hours in a week to just be you:-)
    AJ recently posted…Commitment – Making a Statement so You Have to Complete.My Profile

    • 76

      says

      To be honest, I prefer being around others than being alone. I prefer to go grocery shopping alone, but I’m kind of an extroverted person, so even then I get a little lonely. But, a date night with my husband sure does sound fun. I also do some volunteer work that gets me out of the house. I enjoy it, plus I get that adult interaction I need.
      Michelle Knopp recently posted…In a rut – Feeling Fat, Frumpy, and FoolishMy Profile

  19. 80

    says

    I can totally relate to this, my youngest (of four) is just coming up to two, and I’m feeling fat and frumpy. I really need to do something about it, but lack any motivation to do so.

  20. 81

    says

    I completely understand where you’re coming from. That’s where I am too. I know I need to do something, and I’m doing it, but it’s not happening fast enough. I want everything to just disappear ya know? It got a personal stylist and I’ll be doing a review on her suggestions this week, since I also hate shopping! Thanks for linking up with Turn it Up Tuesday.
    April recently posted…Countdown in Style features Outdoor Decor, Repurposed Shirts and Emergency Savings.My Profile

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